The Day Dad Died

We think our parents will live forever.  Regardless of their age and health concerns, we never really expect to say that last goodbye.  I was no different.

My niece, my brother's third child, a troubled girl, had come to visit us in Michigan, so I planned an outing for the day.  She, my son and his friend, and I drove to a nearby stable and rented horses for a couple of hours.  Whenever I see those pictures, I remember the day vividly because of what came next. When we returned home, I could tell from my husband's expression that something was wrong.  While we were out, he had received THE call - the one saying my father had died the night before.

Ours was not a well functioning family.  It was bruised and scared by problems occurring 15 and 20 years before I had even been born, for I was a cowtail, 13 years younger than my next youngest sibling.  I'll never know what each member was really like - their thoughts, fears, loves, concerns - because I was too young and too much water had flowed under the bridge before I had made an appearance.  There was on-going conflict, and then they were married and gone.

But my father - both in his strengths and weaknesses strongly influenced my life.  He valued family and was always planned to meet our needs despite any problems.  He valued education and always spoke of when I would go to college, never if I would go.  He drove me to church twice a week, in addition to our Sunday morning family trip to worship, and never missed, no matter what the weather; and Minnesota could have weather.  Strong Republican and writer of many letters to our representatives and senators, he passed on political activism and the belief that by speaking up and getting involved we can influence the course of our nation.  Son of a viking, he passed on his love of exploration.  While I used to hate it when he announced he was taking a new "short cut", I am just like him, always enticed by the unexplored path.

So knowing he was gone was a sad shock.  I cried not so much for the loss of a relationship as for the one the didn't exist.  I grieved for the father I never had, never really knew, for now it was too late.  My counsel to anyone who will listen is take time to know your parents now for one day you'll wonder who they were and realize all you knew was a role and not a person.  And take time to visit now, because you can never know when those opportunities will be lost.  And say, "I love you" as many ways and as often as you can.  Make sure your loved ones never doubt that love, because one day THE call will come.